Today has been hot, humid, still, and gloomy. This morning I thought that we would not reach the double digit temperatures predicted, because clouds were moving in, but instead they just made the day humid. A big wind is now blowing in and it is welcome.
I woke up this morning to a barking dog that barked non-stop for an hour, tried to take a nap later and my neighbor was banging around doing yard work, and I don't feel well. I did finally get a nap and was hoping I could just wake up and start my day over, but it has turned into one of those lay around the house, stay away from people because I am in a mood, days. I did get two more studies done and I am grateful that my studio is on the opposite side of the house from the barking dog.
The barking dog is compliments of the 70's rock, Harley-riding neighbor. The music and the backyard parties stopped over the last month, but are replaced by a barking, whining dog, a kid's motorized car, a screaming, whining kid, and a nasty loud fight. I listened to a mother create the screaming brat in one hour. The kid was driving the new motorized car, eeeeeeeeeek, eeeeeeeeeek, eeeeeeeeeek, not a pleasant sound, and something happened and the kid started crying. I don't know if another kid was beating on him, or trying to take the car away, or if he hurt himself in the car, but this happened twice and it sounded like genuine pain. The third time, mom became entertaining to distract from the cries. The fourth time the crying was half-hearted and mom was entertaining again. The fifth time the crying was fake and the kid has been yelling at the top of his lungs ever since. I started hearing the dog about the same time as the car. A few days ago a couple had a screaming fight in the house. My guess is that the karaoke singer got out of rehab, bought the kid a car and a puppy and was on good behavior for a few weeks, but that is over now.
After three days of no one calling about fixing the sprinklers, I reset the timer and bought a new sprinkler head, which I did not have trouble finding. The timer still needs fixing, it still shows an error, but it should work for now. I was surprised that the sprinklers are not attached with pipe, it is more like flexible hose, maybe that is because it freezes here. The hose did make it easier to dig up and change the sprinkler head.
Yesterday I spent too much time among the dredges of humanity and maybe that is why I am in a bad mood today. I walked over to the Starbucks at lunch and stopped in the Albertson's on the way. These are both on a popular panhandling corner. Both checkers in the Albertson's worked in slow motion, a creepy homeless guy stared at me while I was sitting on the Starbucks patio, and I passed a sweaty homeless woman looking for plums on the sorry looking street tree on my way back to work. After work I stopped at the grocery store and avoided three accidents in a parking lot full of people that seemed to be packing up to get away for the weekend. I was looking at strawberries in the store and this fat woman in a scooter parked next to me and asked me, isn't it too late for strawberries? She looked at me like she expected an answer, so I said, they look like strawberries to me. Time to get my bitchy self home.
It seemed like a super long work week and both the guys at the reception desk called in sick on the same day, Wednesday. On the same day?! Was this a sick-out? Whatever the reason, I had to help back-up the reception desk, completely testing my ability to stay separate from the whirlwind and the passive aggressive. The dregs of humanity on Friday was probably more than I could bare.
The studies I did today are of lilies, I figured that would cheer me up, I will post them tomorrow.
The poem from Wisdom of the Ages on Individuality was better when I read it, along with the chapter, the second time. It is e.e. cummings,
here is little Effie's head
whose brains are made of gingerbread
when judgment day comes
God will find six crumbs
stooping by the coffinlid
waiting for something to rise
as the other somethings did-
you imagine his surprise
bellowing through the general noise
Where is Effie who was dead?
-to God in a tiny voice,
i am may the first crumb said
whereupon its fellow five
crumbs chuckled as if they were alive
and number two took up the song
might i'm called and did no wrong
cried the third crumb, i am should
and this is my little sister could
with our big brother who is would
don't punish us for we were good;
and the last crumb with some shame
whispered unto God, my name
is must and with the others i've
been Effie who isn't alive
just imagine it I say
God amid a monstrous din
watch your step and follow me
stooping by Effie's little, in
(want a match or can you see?)
which the six subjective crumbs
twitch like mutilated thumbs;
picture His peering biggest whey
coloured face on which a frown
puzzles, but I know the way-
(nervously Whose eyes approve
the blessed while His ears are crammed
with the strenuous music of
the innumerable capering damned)
-staring wildly up and down
the here we are now judgment day
cross the threshold have no dread
lift the sheet back in this way
here is little Effie's head
whose brains are made of gingerbread
Beware of may, might, should, could, would, and must, e.e. cummings' six symbols of being unable to think for yourself. All are requests for permission and approval, excuses for things undone, or a need to meet the expectations of others. None show self-reliance. E.e cummings was big on self-reliance and here it is equated with individuality, or an ability to think for yourself. In the poem, God hopes to see more than an empty head, making me think e.e. cummings understood that a firm belief in God did not mean a mindless following. I like the association between nonconformity and self-reliance, and I like relating both to individuality. I think I would add ego and opinion as in the way of being able to think for yourself. These two big offenders are worse, since they often disguise themselves as individuality, but that's another poem.
There seem to be a whole lot of Effies out there.
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