Appreciation and Forgiveness

This afternoon I had a good conversation with my boss' boss. She is tough but also kind and I really admire that combination. She initiated the conversation and I appreciated being able to be honest. It appears I have some job security, at least as much as you can nowadays. I think that is the first conversation I've had with a boss where we talked about people being intimidated by me and they did not tell me I had to work on not being intimidating. I also had someone else at work describe me as calm, hah! It must be my efforts to deflect the spinning top that works next to me.

Last night I decided to go by Lowe's and buy some replacement sprinklers and accidentally got on the freeway. I got caught in traffic and I had to slow down to 50 mph for a while. I replaced three sprinklers. Replacing sprinklers is not my favorite home improvement job, but I replaced a whole lot of sprinklers in my life and really the hardest part is buying the right replacement. I figure the cost of sprinklers that actually water will be offset by water savings, but we are not talking about a long sprinkler season here.

Before I went on my trip I treated my car to an oil change. It didn't really need it, but it's been 8 months and I was driving pretty many miles. With using cruise control half of the time and the oil change, I got 59 mpg. That's awesome. To celebrate, I pealed off the last of the LA carpool lane sticker left on my bumper. It's no good in LA anymore anyway and was the last identification with Cali left on my car.

Once it got hotter, my cats stopped being cuddly, but they are back at it since I returned from my trip even though it is still hot. Spit lays across me when I watch TV, aren't you hot Spit? Cruiser lays next to me with his arm across mine and his chin on my hand when I go to bed, aren't you hot Cruiser?

It was much cooler this morning and this must be the hint of fall before it gets really hot again. It's hard not to think about all of those things that need to get done before winter that you don't think about in Cali. I would like to paint my room, but I would have to do it while I can still open a window all night, which gives me to about October. I did rearrange my room. The best place for the dresser was right on top of the air vent and this didn't seem so bad in winter, but this summer I felt like I wasn't getting any air in my room, so I moved the dresser off of the vent and against another wall. This means that my bed has to be right under the window, which is a bit weird and not good feng shui, but at least it is on the second story.

Some other funny things here are the spider webs and how I have to keep up with the indoor trash in summer. All winter I can't open a window, which really bothers me, but the house never smelled. Now that I can open all the windows, which are open almost all the time, I have to keep up with the trash and clean the cat box straightaway. Onion peels go straight in the outdoor trash and the broiler pan gets cleaned right after dinner. Things are also sprouting or molding quickly even in the fridge, I threw out a new garlic bulb because it was all sprouts. I have not noticed my house to be more spidery than any other house I've lived in, but there are webs outside everywhere. Once a week I am outside sweeping webs away and I think if I left them my house would look perfect for Halloween.

The next two topics from Wisdom of the Ages are Appreciation and Forgiveness.

For Appreciation there is a poem by Dorothy Parker,

On Being A Woman

Why is it, when I am in Rome,
I'd give an eye to be at home,
But when on native earth I be,
My soul is sick for Italy?

And why with you, my love, my lord,
Am I spectacularly bored,
Yet do you up and leave me- then
I scream to have you back again?

Sounds like a grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side issue to me, and that is not unique to women. The enlightened answer, again, is to live in the present. That is hard when you are really hating the present. When I was not getting a job I kept reminding myself what I was doing at that moment, right now I am brushing my teeth, right now I am updating my resume, right now I am making a call. This helped me stay in the present. Then I was also walking into rooms and forgetting why I was there, which my friends told me might be due to menopause.

For Forgiveness there is a poem by Langston Hughes,

Cross

My old man's a white old man
And my old mother's black.
If ever I cursed my white old man
I take my curses back.
If ever I cursed my black old mother
And wished she were in hell,
I'm sorry for that evil wish
And now I wish her well
My old man died in a fine big house.
My ma died in a shack.
I wonder were I'm going to die,
Being neither white nor black?

I just do not understand what the big deal is with Langston Hughes. Forgiveness is for you, not for the person you are forgiving. Ever been consumed by anger towards someone? You are the one who is consumed, not them, they are probably happily going about their business without a thought about you. If you think about forgiveness as something you need, and you need it in order to live in the present (that persistent enlightenment topic), it is easier to find. I have a meditation book with a great meditation on forgiveness where you imagine who you need to forgive as a dove in a cage, you take them out, tell them you forgive them, and let them fly away. It worked for me, although I still think about my ex-husband dying a slow, miserable death as guilt causes him to rot from the inside out. Okay, so maybe it didn't work 100%.

New Picture

In honor of my upcoming one year anniversary, I thought I would take a new picture of myself. I find it really embarrassing to do myself, but I knew my neighbors were gone this morning, so at least I could embarrass myself in private.

I have to set up the tripod and the timer and find something to focus on in place of myself. Then I run back and forth posing and then checking the picture, glasses off for the picture, glasses on to check the picture. Every once in a while the auto-focus decides to adjust itself to the background without me in it and I have to put back my stand-in and focus again. All this on top of me not thinking that pictures of myself look like me anymore. I confess that I did some retouching and removed this age bump I have near my eye, but really I think that the $10 Ponds has done a better job than the $80 Elizabeth Arden anti-aging, anti-wrinkle cream.

When I came home from my trip there were two big cucumbers waiting and I picked another one today to give to Sarah. I swear those things grow quick, one day there is no cucumber and the next day there is one 6 inches long. I picked a few green peppers. I'm not sure how big they are supposed to get and the ones I picked look smaller than the ones in the store, but they look ripe and green. Those darn strawberry plants are hanging on and producing a few berries a day, they are small, but I have picked more than the dozen I thought I would get. I might even get a third planter and give the strawberries their own planter to themselves next year. Sarah's raspberry is growing taller than the fence and full of green berries,


Seems to me this is late for raspberries. I went to the fruit and vegetable stand this morning, which for some reason I always have a hard time finding, and the guy said everything is late. They just got corn and it is looking a bit small, but it is from the second crop they planted this year because the first crop drowned. They had raspberries and I bought corn and raspberries and local honey.

This afternoon I took a shot at raisin bread. Every time I use raisins in baking they turn out like small rocks and I never knew the trick is to soak them first. I soaked them in warm water with cinnamon. Kneading the raisins and walnuts into the bread was a bit of a pain and I think the bread could use twice as many,


Next time I will try twice as many raisins and spread them on rolled out dough and roll them inside, like Sarah Lee.

The Drive Home

When I set out for Bruneau Dunes I felt really happy for no reason and anyone driving by me on the freeway would have thought I was listening to a really good joke. On my way to Idaho Falls last Saturday morning I felt the same way and I wondered if maybe I should just buy an Airstream and drive around the US and enjoy the freedom of the open road. By Monday morning I was sick of the road and the hotel bed and getting in and out of the car. I drove straight home and did not take one picture. I did stop at Malad Gorge State Park near Hagerman to see if I might need to go back, and I will go back on a cooler day.

If I did that trip again I would take a week. I would stop and hike around the Grand Tetons for a day and I would continue up to Yellowstone and hike around there for a few days. I would also stay in single cabins, which I saw a whole lot of as I was driving around Wyoming, although I think you have to reserve them well in advance. And I would take a hiking partner.

I enjoyed listening to AM radio on the drive home, since I do not get the chance during the week anymore. I listened to Rush Limbaugh talk about the so called budget agreement as the stock market crashed and I listened to the press wait as Obama was almost an hour late for his own press conference. He might as well have walked to the window of the Oval Office and flipped the public the bird. Although I spent two days in beautiful country and I have the pictures to show for it, I came home with the same unease that I felt before I left.

I have now seen a great deal of southern Idaho and so far I think my favorite is Bruneau, that is the town not the dunes. It looks like high desert, but it is on the Snake River, so it has patches of desert and green with the blue river running through. I would like my farm there, maybe I will go back and take a closer look, but I need to get one trip north before winter. My neighbors went to Cascade lake and McCall this weekend, quickly letting me reciprocate for them taking care of my cats last weekend.

I am surprised how much of Idaho looks like the Midwest, although the sky is very different here, it is blue. The sky in the Midwest is never blue and I could not live there. Today the sky in Boise is not so much blue, it is hot and hazy with enough humidity to suck all the motivation out of you.

The Grand Teton Guide that I picked up while there includes tips on lightning safety. Avoid mountaintops, ridges, open areas and lone trees, do not stand on tree roots, if boating, get off of the water, and afternoon storms are common in summer, so get to a safe place before storms hit. Sounds like morning hikes are a better idea, but what's the problem with tree roots? It also sounds like driving up to high ground to get a good picture of a dramatic storm is probably a bad idea. There were warnings about feeding the bears in the Grand Tetons and food storage is required, which means your food is in your car or in a bear-resistant food locker unless you are eating it. Or you could just eat Frosted Flakes, bears won't eat Frosted Flakes, which makes me wonder what is in those things. Wyoming was also picky about people bringing in aquatic invasive species and I saw regular boat inspections on my drive. Idaho is picky about invasive species in general and is just as concerned about invasive plants as it is invasive mussels.

I am glad to be home, although I was not glad to be back at work, and my cats do not seem to be too pissed off at me.

There was a bit of fall in the air, which I thought was just me, but my neighbor felt the same way, and I felt myself worrying that winter is coming on way too soon and I need to hurry up and get out in the heat. Tonight there is some drama going on across the street and I am thinking winter is not so bad, it is super quiet in the winter and there may be drama going on inside, but no one is outside sharing their drama with me.

Grand Tetons

While driving through Idaho and Wyoming last weekend I must have seen every motorcycle owner in the entire northwest headed east to South Dakota for the 71st Annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally. The rally started August 8th and I'm sure I saw more motorcycles on the road than cars. There was a big group meeting up outside of Twin Falls, but mostly they traveled single or in pairs.

As soon as I headed out of Idaho Falls the landscape got greener,


This is Swan Valley,


I'm too busy looking at the view and I missed my turn to Victor and went down to Alpine and back north to Jackson, which cost me more than half an hour. I guess they call it Jackson instead of Jackson Hole now. I walked around Jackson and could have spent a few grand in the Pendleton store, but I didn't. The galleries were closed, since it was Sunday, although I did see a small Terpning in the window of one, so I ate breakfast in Cafe Genevieve.

My family went on two big driving trips, one when I was around 10 across the US to Michigan and back, and one when I was 15 north through Washington to Canada and then back down through Yellowstone. My dad took a whole lot of pictures and I remember a whole lot of waiting around bored until he was done, so I never wanted to subject anyone to waiting for me to do the same, but by the time I was sitting in Cafe Genevieve, I was tired of being by myself. Maybe it was because I was sitting at the bar next to a hung over guy having a Bloody Mary and watching a group of bikers forget their jackets and not sitting on the patio having a conversation with my breakfast. Anyway, Jackson Hole was one of the few towns that I've seen in the last 5 years that did not look sad, it looked like it was doing really well.


Outside of Jackson Hole is the National Elk Refuge,



Then I am in Grand Teton National Park,






I'm not sure I want to live anywhere where the wildflowers do not come out until august, but I really liked the forest there, especially the Targhee Forest, because it was full of aspen and not just pine trees. The best wildflowers I saw were on my way out of the park, towards Victor, the way I should have gone the first time, but there was no place to stop and the grade was so steep going up that all I could think about was that my car was going to explode going 40 mph.

From Victor I went north to Driggs and the Grand Targhee Resort, because I heard that there is a better view of the Grand Tetons from the Idaho side.




Then back to Swan Valley,





I thought the landscape from Victor to Swan Valley looked like what I think Wyoming looks like, but this is still Idaho. Driggs was full of partly finished planned communities with giant homes that must have got caught in the housing crash, but I wondered what in the world people did in Driggs, Idaho, population 1,100, to pay for a giant house.

When I got back to Idaho Falls it rained again and I got some cloud and sun drama,


Does it rain every summer night in Idaho Falls? People said they had a long winter that lasted to June.

Waterfalls

Sara and Joe had a poker party, which I missed because I was gone, and they hung white lights from the tree to the garage and the house. They're not the little white lights, they are big and round, more like circus lights, and when they are on it looks awesome. I hope they leave them up for a while.

Saturday was about waterfalls.

I drove from Boise to Bliss and then turned down the 30 towards Hagerman. From Bliss to Hagerman there are cliffs full of waterfalls,


There were not very many due to the time of year, and sorry it's not a great picture. I was not too interested in the Hagerman fossil beds, so I did not stop, but this is the scene out of Hagerman, towards Twin Falls,



That is the snake river and most of the scenery around the snake river looks like this, with a patchwork of yellow and green.

Then I went on to Twin Falls and the Shoshone Falls. This is where Evil Knievel tried his jump,


You can see part of a rainbow that seems to always be there at the base of the Falls.




Then I went over the Perrine Bridge which is 1,500 feet long and 486 feet above the Snake River. It might be impressive to look at from below, or to look down from, but it wasn't much to drive.

Then I went straight through from Twin Falls to Idaho Falls. That part of the trip was almost all yellow and sagebrush, until you get to American Falls, which is on a reservoir. After all that sagebrush it was quite a surprise to come up on all that water. Idaho Falls is not much, with a failed attempt at a revitalized downtown which just looks sad. My hotel was next to a green belt and more falls. I do not know what was originally there, but Idaho has harnessed the falls for energy and it looks man made,



That is a Mormon Temple in the background.

I had some time to relax and eat and then I went to the "Idaho Paints Idaho" reception at the Art Museum of Eastern Idaho. There was the usual about half nice work and political award winners. I was surprised to see some really nice, and really expensive, oils and one of them done in the spirit of Sargent won best of show, so it wasn't all political, although the subject had nothing to do with Idaho. The museum had a patio with a great view and I was out on the patio thinking I would rather be out photographing the great sky that was rolling in that be at that reception when I met the wife of one of the museum directors. She was pretty interesting and helps put on the The HeART of Idaho Century Ride,

http://www.theartmuseum.org/Century.htm

When I met her husband he said he would buy my painting of Glenn's Ferry if he had more room and he might get his sister to buy it. Overall my paintings were smaller than everyone else's and some of the few watercolors. My favorites were two pastels, but my favorites tend to always be pastels lately. Here's the view from the museum patio,


Then I went out headed for higher ground to try to get a picture of that dramatic sky that was rolling in and it started to rain big raindrops. Then it started to thunder and lightning. In So Cal I wouldn't think about driving to the top of a hill and walking around with lightning, it is really too far away, but I don't think that is true in Idaho. I took a few pictures, but it got dark fast,




But I did get a better shot of that temple,



It was too much driving and not enough sleep and I am glad to be home. I stayed in the same hotel both nights and they had a door issue. Heavy doors that loudly automatically slammed shut. It was a long day of driving on Sunday and someone came in after 10 pm and made four trips up and down the stairwell, in the stairwell door, which is next to my room, slam, into their room next to mine, slam, then up at 6 am, slam.

The Grand Tetons post tomorrow.

Ready to Get Away

If you think that was a budget vote last Tuesday, you are wrong. That was the end of the US Constitution and the principles on which it stands. I checked the vote, to make sure my congressman voted against it like I heard him on AM radio saying that he would, and he did. On the radio he said why he was voting against it, and the reason is terrifying. The US budget will now be decided by Obama and a Congressional committee of 10. That's called taxation without representation. That's called no separation of powers. Think we averted an economic crisis by coming to a budget agreement? Take a look at the stock market dive this week. Look like December 2008? The beginning of that Great Recession that all the talking heads said was over?

From the NIA:

"The Dow Jones fell today by 512.76 points to 11,383.68, a percentage decline of 4.3%. The Nasdaq declined 5.1% today with the S&P down 4.8%.

From an economic standpoint, NIA considers this decline to be a sharp correction due to the world waking up and realizing that the U.S. economic recovery is phony. 1Q GDP growth was recently revised downward by 81% from 1.91% to 0.36%. There is now a strong likelihood of U.S. GDP going negative by the end of 2011, which means the U.S. economy will officially enter a double-dip recession. It is NIA's belief that the recession never ended and we are headed towards a hyperinflationary depression.

From a technical standpoint, NIA believes that today's huge drop was triggered by margin calls. Before yesterday, the market had declined eight days in a row for a total point drop of 857.79. Many investors who didn't have cash to cover these margin calls were forced to liquidate their stock holdings. With all of the U.S. economic uncertainties today, there is a lack of buying in U.S. stocks. Margin call sellers had to take anything they could get for their shares. Some investors were even forced to liquidate their gold and silver in order to cover margin calls, which drove the U.S. dollar and U.S. treasury prices temporarily higher."

That is enough out of me on that topic, but honestly I've felt like I was going to cry since Tuesday night.

It feels weird to be planning a hopeful trip to see my paintings in a show in a museum and see some of the awesome natural beauty of Idaho and Wyoming. I'm planning to drive to Idaho Falls with a side trip on the US Scenic Route 30 at Bliss. Saturday in Idaho Falls and the "Idaho Paints Idaho" reception, then to Jackson Hole and the Grand Tetons on Sunday. I'm staying at the same place in Idaho Falls two nights, so I will leave Idaho Falls Monday morning and drive back. I might drive back on Hwy 20 through the Camas Prairie, although I am still remembering that bleak trip on Hwy 20 earlier this year with endless snow. I will see how I feel on Monday.

I may post while I am away, but no pictures until I am back.

It dried out a bit yesterday, but this morning the summer thunderclouds were back and there was a really weird bright orange-yellow sunrise. It is supposed to be completely clear tomorrow, but I am hoping to see some of those summer thunderclouds over the weekend while I am out on the open road and I can really see them. Idaho Falls is the fourth largest city in Idaho, with a population of 56,813, and a metro population of 130,374. The three largest cities are Boise, Meridian, and Nampa, which would be considered one city anywhere else in the US. Idaho Falls is four and a half hours away by car, meaning there is a whole lot of open road between here and Idaho Falls.

I am really looking forward to the trip and glad I earned myself some house-watching and cat-sitting from my neighbors.

There are six more topics until enlightenment. The last one is Awe, which I am planning on practicing this Sunday and I was hoping to get the other five done before then, but oh well, I may have to skip around. Was there an enlightenment topic, Flexibility? There probably should be, it is not one of my strong points.

The Road Not Taken

These are the lily studies,



I will have to rephotograph the red lilies, the shot came out a bit blurry. The idea of the red lilies painting was better than the execution and I am not sure what I don't like. Red watercolor can be difficult, you can lay down what seems like a brilliant red and when it dries, it fades, add a bit of blue for shadow and you can easily end up with an almost black that does not exist in nature. I liked the dark rust door and the red lilies and the white fence. Hmm.

It is so humid here that this morning after my shower I actually turned on the bathroom fan. I never turn on any bathroom fan, they make too much noise. I felt really grateful that I did not choose Austin, Texas, because I am sure the temporary humidity here pales in comparison to Austin. Dry weather is back on Wednesday.

Last night the thunderstorm came in around 9 pm with big thunder, lightning, wind, and rain. Spit made it for under the bed and Cruiser under the coffee table. I was standing looking out my front window, wondering if I should move my car because my street tree has a branch that arches over where I park and I'm sure that branch is not coming down anytime soon, but I cannot afford for my car to get flattened, and I saw Tia. Kurt wasn't home and the thunder sent her over her own fence and scurrying back and forth between his yard and Sarah and Joe's yard looking for shelter and company. As soon as I opened my door, she was headed inside, she was having no part of the lonely shelter of the porch, so I took her over to Sarah and Joe's, where she ran in even faster than she tried at my house. My neighbor's cats have experience with Tia, mine do not and were terrorized enough.

The next enlightenment topic is Independence, with a poem by Robert Frost,

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I'm not going to comment, since the meaning is obvious and the poem well known, but I forgot the part about never being able to come back and try the road more traveled. Once you pick the road less traveled you are on it, there is no going back, and I think that it is interesting that Frost named his poem after the road not taken, the more traveled road, as if the poem was about that longing to go back, even though not choosing it made all the difference.