Rally to Perpetuate Anger

It was not my intention to make this a political blog. My intention was to document my own spiritual journey and communicate with my family and friends during a time when I would often be out of touch. At some point I thought I might start a separate blog of research papers about what is really going on in America today, including the abuses I saw while working in public service in California, but I just do not have time for that now. But I spent yesterday being angry and depressed and I am going to get some of that off my chest, so I can move on.

Yesterday I had an exchange of words on Facebook about the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear hosted by comedians Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. This was following a post of a Youtube cartoon that was supposed to be making fun of the uninformed voter, but the supposed uninformed voter was a Tea Party Patriot, portrayed as a repetitive moron, trying to explain how our freedoms are in jeopardy.

Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnUfPQVOqpw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I have not been paying much attention to the rally. I thought it was a response to Glen Beck's rally, but my brother explained that it was an inside joke and I have to watch The Colbert Report to get it. Oh OK, so it is a rally that is an inside joke making fun of another group's beliefs and accusing them of being angry, fearful, and insane.

Here's the summary about the rally from www.keepfearalive.com,

"America, the Greatest Country God ever gave Man, was built on three bedrock principles: Freedom. Liberty. And Fear — that someone might take our Freedom and Liberty. But now, there are dark, optimistic forces trying to take away our Fear — forces with salt and pepper hair and way more Emmys than they need. They want to replace our Fear with reason. But never forget — “Reason” is just one letter away from “Treason.” Coincidence? Reasonable people would say it is, but America can’t afford to take that chance.

So join The Rev. Sir Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. on October 30th for the “March to Keep Fear Alive“™ in Washington DC. Pack an overnight bag with five extra sets of underwear — you’re going to need them. Because, to Restore Truthiness we must always… Shh!!! What’s that sound?! I think there’s someone behind you! Run!"

There also seemed to be an element of the rally that participants were against all of the nasty politics shown in this election and just getting together to be happy and laugh and have a good time.

I don't watch Jon Stewart. Maybe he's funny if he's not making fun of what you believe in and maybe if he's not making fun of what you believe in you can perceive him as politically neutral. I did watch some of his show with President Obama, which mostly made me feel like the decay of American society had finally reached its bottom. The President of the United States has now appeared on Jay Leno, The View, and Jon Stewart. He left an expensive fund-raising dinner to scoop dog poop. This shows such a disrespect for the responsibility and significance of being President of the United States that it is shocking to me.

How did soldiers in Afganistan, who might even have the time to watch Obama on Jon Stewart, feel about the Commander in Chief voluntarily appearing as the butt of jokes as they risk their lives? What did terrorists in Yemen think as they watched the leader of the free world, the Nobel-prize-winning champion of peace, so desperate for votes that he allowed himself to look weaker on television than the host of a comedy show?

Stephen Colbert spoke to Congress last September, which I thought was more of the bottom. Is Congress now the place for political farce? Are taxpayers paying Congressional leaders to sit around and listen to someone mock them? Isn't anyone who thought this was a good idea considering the condition of the economy insane or at the very least, out of touch?

The world is in the Next Great Depression. Without unemployment benefits, Food Stamps, and Social Security, this depression would look just like the last one. Real unemployment is 20%. Record numbers of people are taking early Social Security retirement. One out of 7 people receives Food Stamps, so without the existence of Food Stamps, we would see bread lines like we did in the 1930s. These are programs put in place since the last Great Depression, so one could say these are successful programs that are preventing another Great Depression, but how is America paying for these? What happens when America can't pay anymore? Is this somehow funny, a joke?

I changed careers and took another job for 1/3 of my previous salary. I lost my house and gave away or sold half of what I owned. I quit a job partly because it was robbing me of my soul and partly because I could not afford to live where the job was. I have student loan debt I don't know how I will ever pay back. If I do not find some kind of income in the next few months, I can say good-bye to one more dream. I took responsibility for my part, I am self-supporting by my own contributions today, and my experience was really painful. Is this somehow funny, a joke?

My opinions, or ideas, today about how my government can get out of interfering with every tiny piece of my life and making me pay for it are based not only on being informed and educated, but on painful experience. A rally to make fun of those opinions is not funny, although it does appear to have successfully kept me angry for a day.

Today I am going to get out my Best of Johnny Carson DVDs (thanks John and Jen!) and remember when comedy was really funny and not mean. By tomorrow I hope to be back to spirituality or at least get my sense of humor back.

Haircut

Yesterday afternoon I went out to buy Winter gloves and the sun was out and it was 64 degrees, which felt really warm. Funny how much difference a few degrees can make after you start getting used to cold.

This morning I went to the grocery store early. I finished my shopping and was coming around the aisle towards the check stands and there was a checker standing there looking for the next customer. We were both singing along to the piped in music, City of New Orleans sung by Arlo Guthrie had just started. What is it about that song that makes you want to sing along?

My haircut is a success, which is a great relief, I feel 5 pounds lighter and I can see again.

It was nice to get out yesterday, but I am behind in job applying, which is super boring, so I will go on to the next enlightenment topic, Soul Center with a passage from Moby Dick by Herman Melville,

"For as this appalling ocean surrounds the verdant land, so in the soul of man there lies one insular Tahiti, full of peace and joy, but encompassed by all of the horrors of the half-lived life."

It is somewhat reassuring that "the half-lived life" or a life held back by fear and practical needs was as much of a concern to Melville in the 19th century as it is to me. I always imagine the 19th century as more free with less of the limitations of society and more unexplored territory, but maybe this is idealistic. The author encourages me to "start living your life with the courage to step ashore and experience your insular Tahiti." I think I am here in Idaho to get closer to being able to experience my soul center and live a life, but it is pretty hard. No matter how full of peace and joy I am, singing to Arlo Guthrie in the grocery store, that financial fear is always hanging around.

Applying for Jobs

Yesterday was apply-for-jobs day and today will be mostly the same. In between applying for jobs today I finally get to have my haircut, I can't see through my bangs anymore. I hope this is not too traumatic. Tonight I am meeting Leslie in Hyde Park for dinner at the 3rd Street Bar and Grill. They have a great outdoor patio, but unless they have super heaters, I doubt we will be sitting on it. Leslie is newer to Boise than me, but things did not work out for her and she is going back to Washington next week.

My allergies are really bothering me and if the theme for month 2 was adjusting to a new home, I think the theme for month 3 is going to be adjusting to pollens and climate.

Two guys came late yesterday, it was almost dark, and blew out the sprinklers for Winter. The landlord sent them, so I guess I don't have to deal with this myself. They take some kind of blower attached to their truck and blow the water out of the sprinkler system so the pipes do not explode when they freeze. One of the guys told me to leave the sprinkler timer off and they will be back, probably in May, to start them up again. May?! That made the Winter seem really long, but he said there is usually enough Spring rain to not need the sprinklers until May.

Yesterday I signed up for an Arts Idaho workshop next week, November 3 and 4, on the business side of being an artist. First Friday at the gallery is November 5, so this keeps me focused on art, out of trouble, and meeting people for 3 whole days.

Today's enlightenment topic is Perfection, with a poem by Robert Browning,

The year's at the spring,
And day's at the morn;
Morning's at seven;
The hill-side's dew-pearled;
The lark's on the wing;
The snail's on the thorn;
God's in his Heaven—
All's right with the world!

Wow, Spring seems really far away. I planted some Crocus bulbs, but they will not come up until February and the Mum that I have in a pot on the front porch is on it's last week. I'm wondering what to replace the Mum with, maybe a pumpkin. Anyway, the morning is still beautiful here. This morning we had a sunrise with red reflected on gray clouds and the wind rustling through fall leaves, which are starting to cover the streets and my backyard. The evenings are perfect, too. In the last two weeks I've seen two shooting stars. The moon is bright, even as only a half moon, and I can see Orion, which looks bigger here, every night from my backyard. One benefit of the cold is that it is super quiet, all the noisemakers are indoors. I like quiet.

Puffy Clouds, Snow, and Fall Color

The heater vents are in the floor here. Cruiser still does not like the heater, but he is not crying about it so much and yesterday afternoon I caught him curled up next to the heater vent in the livingroom. I think that may get to be a favorite spot. Both cats are now fluffy with thick Winter fur and on top of still being chubby they both look like their heads are too small, little faces sticking out of a fluff ball. Cruiser's chin is now almost healed.

The rain stopped long enough yesterday afternoon for me to get to the Post Office and on the way I was treated to puffy clouds over snow dusted hills and Fall color,




I suppose a bit of cold and rain is a small price to pay for that view.

I suggested a restaurant to my friend for dinner Thursday, but I could not remember the name, so after the Post Office I went over to Hyde Park to find it. When I got there I don't think that was snow falling on me, but it was pretty darn close.

One way to combat the cold is to bake. Not only does using the oven warm up the kitchen, but the good smell takes over the inability to open the windows and air out the house. Last night I made oatmeal cookies, not only to warm up the house, but to satisfy the sweet tooth that now goes with my higher metabolism.

I had a bit of trouble with Ludo's eyes, working so small, but this seems worthy of a larger painting,


CostCo has an emergency food kit on sale here, 275 servings in a bucket for $75. Is this for sale just in Idaho, or all over? I can see the survivalist crowd in Idaho being interested in this kind of thing, but I think it is a weird thing to have on sale at CostCo.

Cruiser has now won the battle over the computer desk.

Immortality

Yesterday's high was 57, low was 45. Today's high is predicted to be 50, low 30. It is really cold here and it seemed colder yesterday, but maybe I'm just getting used to it. I am already developing a heater up and down and binds open and shut routine. I miss having a programmable thermostat. I turn the heat down at night and close the blinds to keep the heat in, then turn the heat up and open the blinds in the morning. Maybe I should keep the blinds closed all day, but I am too claustrophobic and the cats need a view.

I did not realize until I watched the John Adams miniseries that those drapes people used to have around their fourposter bed were to keep the heat in while they were sleeping. I would settle for drapes on the windows, those cheap mini blinds are not cutting it here.

I finished the study of Ludo, but can't photograph it until I have more daylight, so I will post that tomorrow. Then I started a larger painting of the Cowboys and a study of the Narrows in Zion.

This morning I wrote an email to Dan Loughrey, Republican candidate for Idaho State Representative. I wanted to complain about Idaho's property tax on personal property used for a business, which I think is excessive and anti-business. California doesn't even have that kind of tax. I sent him my resume, too, while I was at it. He sent a prompt personal response. The Idaho business property tax has been in the legislature's bullseye for several years now. Good. He did not send a job offer, but he hasn't been elected yet.

It's probably a good time for some enlightenment. The next topic is Immortality with a poem by Emily Dickinson that the author calls The Single Hound,

THIS quiet Dust was Gentlemen and Ladies,
And Lads and Girls;
Was laughter and ability and sighing,
And frocks and curls.
This passive place a Summer’s nimble mansion,
Where Bloom and Bees
Fulfilled their Oriental Circuit,
Then ceased like these.

This poem is actually one of a collection of poems published in sections, each with a theme, and is poem number 74 in Part Five: The Single Hound. The Single Hound is the name of the section, not the poem. Emily Dickinson wrote close to 2,000 poems in her lifetime while she lived, according to the author, a "reclusive life dominated by a stern Calvinist father." Few of her poems were published during her lifetime. I seem to be more interested in the story of the writer when I read these topics than the enlightenment message.

We are spiritual beings taking temporary human form, then we will be dust again. I wonder if Emily really thought this, or if she was ever grateful that her father supported her so she could shut herself in her room and write poems all day. Dust or not, Emily Dickinson now lives on in her poems, while the father that made it possible is described as dominating and stern and somehow responsible for Emily's seclusion. I suppose we have no control over how we are remembered, and it doesn't matter because we are going to be dust anyway, or are we immortal? Too confusing and too morbid for me today. Anyone want to support me while I sit around and paint all day?

Fall Leaves

On every street in Boise there is at least one tree in amazing Fall color. On Friday and Saturday in the late afternoon I went to Katheryn Anderson Park and took pictures. I went with the short lens on Friday for long shots and the long lens on Saturday for close ups of leaves.




Every photographer in Boise appeared to be at the park taking pictures of families and kids. All are taking formal posed pictures of dressed up uncomfortable looking kids and I kept thinking about why a painting would be better. Do you just want to remember what your kids looked like, or do you want a memory, to remember what they were like? It was a beautiful setting for a photo, though, and I was glad to see there is a big market in Boise for family photography. One of those families has to want a painting.



I want to do a series of leaves paintings, like the one I did that I gave away, and there is plenty of material around here.



It has been mostly gloomy and cold and raining for the last 2 days, which is making me think that painting bright colored leaves through Winter might be a good idea.

Cruiser insisted on going out last night in the cold and rain and hopped around as if he was chasing something, except that there wasn't anything there. Maybe he was chasing his reflection in the puddles. Every morning he lays on my arm as I try to type on the computer and this morning I had the chance to see that he now has a lump on his chin, only his has a scab. This is not keeping him from purring like mad and shedding all over the desk. Cruiser on the desk gives Spit the opportunity to have the fuzzy blanket on the couch downstairs all to herself. Sometimes they share it, but sometimes they fight over it. Fall is not over and it already feels like it is going to be a long Winter. Fortunately I have plenty to paint, and to write.

The Sawtooth Mountains

Last Thursday I took a day trip to the Sawtooth Mountains. I went Southeast and then North from Boise to Idaho City. Right before Idaho City the stupid warning light went on in my car telling me it was below 37 degrees, but by the time I left Idaho City it had warmed up enough for the light to go off and it stayed off for the rest of the day. Idaho City looks pretty much like it did in the 1880s,



Mr. Dog watched me park and seemed to be really hoping I would let him outside.

Then I went North to Lowman and East to Stanley (elevation 6300 feet.) This is the Ponderosa Pine Scenic Route and that is what the drive was, pine tree after pine tree after pine tree. The Fall color is mostly in the underbrush and there were a few hills covered with dots of yellow, but not much color. There was a long stretch where there had been a fire and where tall blackened sticks stood up over desolate ground and this made me think of The Road again. I seem to be haunted by that movie.

One problem with day trips is that you end up at your destination mid-day and this is not the best time of day for picture taking. I read that Redfish Lake Lodge is one of the best places to view the Sawtooths, but I think the best view is in the morning. I was looking West at the mountains and into the sun and looking West in the morning, with the sun rising behind me would have been a better picture. This is the Sawtooths right before Stanley,


This is from Redfish Lake Lodge,


Redfish Lake Lodge closed for the season on October 9. It was not cold (after Idaho City) and a beautiful day on Thursday, but I hardly saw a soul all day and most of the lodging and restaurants were closed. I would love to go back and stay at Redfish Lake Lodge and get those morning pictures, they have several packages with hiking, biking, and riding. They re-open in May.

You can see where the Sawtooths got their name, they are really jagged and steep. I could even see this from the views of the Sawtooths from Craters of the Moon.

This is another side of Redfish Lake, look at that clear, clear water,



This is on my way back out of Stanley,



There was a big fire and by the time I got back to Boise, the smoke was hanging over the city. That wood fence went on for miles and miles and it looked like work to put up and maintain. I figured it had to be pretty old, but I did not see one rail out of place and I did not see any barbed wire on the entire drive.

On my way back, I went through Lowman, but then I kept going West to Banks and then South down to Boise. This takes the same amount of time and I thought I would see something different, and this part of the drive I saw more farm houses, less pine trees (what a relief), and more color. This is Crouch,


Even Crouch had done the same thing as everyone else and tried to build a planned community that was now mostly empty.

After Crouch my allergies started to kick in on top of my cold and I was glad to get home. I think my 3rd month review is going to be about adjusting to the climate and the pollens.

A storm came in this morning and is supposed to last through Tuesday. The weatherman does not predict snow for Boise, but I bet that drive I just took will be covered with snow soon.

Two Month Review

As of yesterday I have been here in Boise for 2 months. I had to look over my blog to remember what I did over the last month and thank goodness for the blog, because I really did not think that I did much this month. The blog has been useful in so many ways.

On the practical side, I got my Idaho driver's license, Idaho car registration and plates, and I registered to vote and voted. I finished another painting and 2 more studies, bought a tripod, and photographed the work that I completed since I've been here. I took most of the steps for my business, applied for a fictitious business name, got an EIN number, registered my business in Idaho, and applied for a sales and use tax permit and account number. (I was going to get a painting framed and then remembered I need the use tax permit to exempt the sales tax on the framing, since the painting is for resale, so I applied this week. One step at a time.) I finished my painting website. I almost finished a business plan. I joined the Museum of Southern Idaho, so I can participate in their holiday ArtMART, if I want. I found a local gallery and now have two paintings for sale there.

I should clarify the series of events with the Eagle gallery owner and my website. I called the gallery and she asked if I had a website and asked me to send her the link when I had one. I sent her an email with some samples of my work. I started and finished the website. Before I could send her the link to my site, she looked at my samples and sent me an email praising my work and asking me to come in and bring a painting. I sent samples on Tuesday and she did not respond until Friday, just as I finally got my site posted. Looking back now, I can understand why she wanted to see a website, she must have wanna be artists call all the time and I am glad I finally got that darn thing done, even if it is done in Flash and not HTML5.

In the last month I was rejected for the 2nd job I applied for and applied for a bunch more (I honestly don't know how many and I think I better start some kind of log to keep track) with both the State and private companies. I began researching holiday part time jobs and mentally preparing myself (in other words, humbling myself) to apply for one, although I have not actually applied yet.

Sometimes I forget that I am not still in Simi Valley and sometimes I feel like I have been here in Boise for a long time. Both my neighbor, Sarah, and my friend Mary Kay feel like people I have known for years. That is the part that feels hugely different this month, my ability to meet new people, make new friends, and also my ability to keep moving forward.

When I look back on the times in my life that were difficult, or where my life changed dramatically, I always seem to have been frozen and unable to move forward or take any action. When I returned from New York City I played Solitaire all the time until I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. When I got divorced, I drank wine and smoked cigarettes and looked out the window most of the time. I can't even begin to describe how I handled getting fired from my last video game job. That was such a dark time in my life. I was much better by the time I lost my house, and much more constructive, but I still often lost myself in home improvement and Sudoku.

One of the best things about being here in a completely new environment is that I get to see every day how much I've changed. I get to be myself with people who don't know what I used to be like. Every day I think, look at me being friendly, look at me meeting new people as if I am good at it, look at me talking in front of strangers, look at me readily saying yes to an invitation to meet for coffee or come over and watch the BSU game, look at me calling someone I don't know. There is still that moment where I hesitate, where I think of the reason to say no, but it is just a moment.

Over the last month there have been many times where I wasn't sure what to do next and got overwhelmed. In response, sometimes I was not very constructive, and my cold this week is really slowing me down, but mostly today when I'm not sure what to do next, I paint. I've spent so much time not painting because I thought that there was something more important that I should be doing. Today I just go ahead and paint and let whatever the next thing I should be doing reveal itself.

I am still worried about money and having an income, but that worry is not disabling. I think I made some progress on my goal from last month, which was to be more disciplined, to paint more and take more forward steps and to worry less. I think I will keep that goal for next month, and add the goal to find some kind of income, and to start that children's book.

My friend once said opportunity will come, you just have to be ready.

Eagle Gallery

Eagle is higher in elevation than Boise and the Fall color was approaching full swing. Even a busy intersection looked pretty.




The Eagle gallery owner took two paintings, the smaller one of Jack sleeping and the one of the back of Lauren in Lake Michigan. I liked the gallery owner, turns out she is from Michigan. She did not pretend that times are not really tough. She does get inquiries about commission work and she will post a flier for mine, but I had to add 40% for the gallery commission, which does not make me very affordable. The gallery includes an outdoor space in front and a separate room for workshops. Including the workshop space was really smart, since people seem to be more willing to pay to attend a workshop than buy a painting. The gallery participates in something in Eagle they call First Friday and she expects her artists to attend a few. A group of merchants stay open late and host an evening with food and give-aways. The gallery is the featured merchant next First Friday and I will be there to do some art peddling.

I am now gallery represented for the first time in my life. This is a bit exciting, but it would be more exciting if someone actually bought a painting.

Governor Butch Otter sent me a thank you note for voting. I also received a card from Dan Loughrey and was disappointed to learn that Idaho has the 13th highest tax burden in the nation and the 2nd highest corporate tax rate in the region. Four surrounding states have no corporate tax rate, probably why big companies are moving from Ca to Utah. Did I vote for Dan Loughrey? I already can't remember.

I am still feeling sick and am worse this morning, probably because the heater went on last night and I'm breathing dry, dry air. I managed to get to the grocery store yesterday afternoon to buy myself some fluids and then we took a break outside and I watched Cruiser perfect the art of relaxation,


My backyard faces South, which is great. In the Summer it will get really hot, but in Winter it means that it will stay sunny and warm longer.

BSU trampled San Jose State, 48-0 and Ohio State lost to Wisconsin 31-18. I do not understand all the rankings for college football, but even though Boise State's number 3 ranking is the highest any team outside of college football's six power conferences has ever been ranked, BSU is not likely to play for a national title due to their weak schedule for the rest of the season. I read an article that likened BSU's football team to Cinderella and I think America could use a Cinderella story, just as much as the world needed a successfully saved trapped miners story.

I managed to apply to some jobs last night and this morning that I found on cragslist. After weeding through the posts that are obviously scams, I figure what is left is really an open job and mostly they just ask for a resume, no hours spent on-line entering my entire life. I also found a long list of the part-time Christmas help jobs, but haven't applied for those yet.

Now that Fall color has really started, tomorrow I am taking a trip up to McCall and Stanley and the Sawtooth Mountains. I'm aiming for a day trip, but am packing a bag in case I want to stay overnight, especially since I am not feeling that well. My neighbors already offered to feed the animals if I am away. So, no post tomorrow morning, if I post it will be late in the day Thursday or not until Friday. It will be my 2 month review.

I Have a Cold

Spit's fat lip went up and down last week, but it has been down for a few days. Cruiser is upset about the heater (downstairs) and now walks all over the computer desk (upstairs) every morning fighting with the keyboard for attention.

I have a cold. Sore throat and runny nose. I did a couple things yesterday to get ready to go to the gallery in Eagle and then I took an Alka-Seltzer Plus cold medicine and slept and watched TV. This usually heads off a cold if I take it right as the cold starts, but today I am feeling about the same.

I did take a few hours to paint the walls in my studio. The landlord left a can of the right color paint, but he did because someone had badly touched up the walls in the studio with satin paint (over flat) and not quite the right shade of white. At some point someone also painted a design in red that I could still see through the touch up. Pretty soon it is going to be too cold, so I got that done yesterday afternoon when it was warm and I could open the windows. It did not feel like what I should be doing, but messy walls in a studio is not conducive to good painting.

When house painting it is important to have good materials. I was grateful to still have my ladder that John gave me in 1993. Not only is it useful, it is sentimental. It has the remainder of paint from many, many projects, including the burgundy paint from the theater drapes murals I painted for the MGM Grand in 1993. If you house paint, go ahead and invest in the good paintbrush and the sheepskin paint roller. I don't know why Home Depot only has a few of the sheepskin rollers and they are always displayed too high up for me to reach, but any other rollers are a waste of time and paint.

Mary Kay gave me the number of her hairdresser and I have an appointment to get my hair cut next week. As of today it has been 9 weeks since Kathleen cut my hair and my long bangs did not start to annoy me until last weekend, but now they are really driving me nuts. Mary Kay's hair is like mine and she has a short layered cut, so I'm hoping the hairdresser does a good job on mine. There is nothing worse than a bad haircut, you have to live with it out there for everyone to see every day for weeks on end.

My cold is not making me feel chatty or enlightened, so more tomorrow.

The Fourth Turning

My Mom says when we were little we used to sleep with our new shoes because we loved them so much. Today I would be happy to live somewhere where I never had to wear shoes, or socks, but that is not Idaho. So yesterday I bought myself some real shoes, with a front and a back, ones that require socks. I met several people in the Macy's shoe department as I tried to solicit advice about shoes for Idaho. The last woman I met, who actually started the original conversation because she liked the shoes I had on, walked up to the counter as I was paying. She asked which ones I picked and I said both and we laughed. Hey, they were on double sale. I felt like my new friendly self.

I went for a hike with my neighbors this afternoon and they invited me to their poker party next weekend. Tuesday I have a meeting with the gallery in Eagle. This morning I started another study, of my nephew Ludo this time, but I did not like how it started so I started it over this evening.

Another one of my friends lost her job, and I've been thinking about The Fourth Turning anyway, so I think it is time for my book review.

The Fourth Turning is by William Strauss and Neil Howe, who are historians. The book explores their idea that history repeats itself in regular 80 year cycles with 4 distinct approximately 20 year periods, or turnings. It was published in 1997 and I find it more and more fascinating. The First Turning is a High, the Second is an Awakening, the Third is an Unraveling, and the Fourth is a Crisis. They go back much father, but the last crisis began in 1929. Add 80 years and what do you get? 2009. I find it interesting that in 1997 2 historians predicted the crisis we are currently in based on the cycles of history and not economics or politics. This is also why when anyone tries to tell me that the economy is getting better, I know it is a lie. We have at least ten more years of this.

There is a bunch of stuff in the book about archetypes, there is an archetype for each turning that describes the generation. I am disappointed to be a Nomad, born 1961-1981, although it describes me well. Most of my friends are Prophets, born 1943-1960. My parents are Artists, born 1925-1942. My daughter is a Hero, born 1982-2007 (the authors do not put a date here because the Crisis had not happened yet, but I'm thinking it happened in 2008.) My daughter's generation gets to be heroes because they are the ones that get us out of the crisis.

Much of the book is to support the theory, but there are a few chapters about the coming crisis and how to prepare for it. In the first few paragraphs of Chapter 10, A Fourth Turning Prophecy, talking about how the crisis might start, includes:

"In retrospect, the spark might seem as ominous as a financial crash, as ordinary as a national election, or as trivial as a Tea Party."

Tea Party? Seems to me that we got all three.

When I originally read the book my thought was that I should prepare for the crisis and I regret that I did not do a good job of it. As I read their list of how America should prepare, America did not do a good job, either. The authors suggest that during a crisis we have the opportunity to define what will emerge from the crisis. They equate the crisis period to Winter and we get to define what will emerge in Spring. In that sense, as I try to emerge out of my own crisis, I like to think that I get to define what will emerge in me, my values, my attitude, what I think is true to me and good for my soul.

So, check out the book if you are interested and I think there is a link on-line if you just want to look up your archetype, which everybody does except those of us that are stuck being Nomads. I will end as the book ends with Ecclesiastes 3.1-11,

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

Idaho Cars and Drivers

As soon as I finished my website and finally got it posted, I got an email from the gallery in Eagle telling me my work is outstanding and to come on in. It felt like the universe conspired to get me to get that site done. Here's the link:

http://www.shellyjohnsonstudio.com/

I voted and I now have Idaho plates on my car. It was really funny to just hand someone my vote. The DMV parking lot was crowded, but I waited about 30 seconds for the next window and the whole thing took about 10 minutes. Registration cost about $90 for a year. I could have paid $150 for two years, but I don't want that car for two years. I got generic plates that say Scenic Idaho at the top and Famous Potatoes on the bottom. In my time here I have not seen one field of potato plants, all I see is corn. My California car registration was paid through May 2011, think they will give me a partial refund? Not.

The woman at the DMV said she hasn't heard anyone complain about their Prius in the cold, so next time I go to the Toyota dealer I'm going to ask them why that darn warning light goes on and stays on the minute it turns 32 degrees. I spent the entire drive through Grant's Pass with it snowing and icy and this useless warning light glaring at me. All the light did was scare me. Why is this on? What should I do?

When I was driving to move to Boise the most popular car in California was the Toyota 4Runner. Once I got to Oregon it was the Toyota Tundra. In Boise people mostly have older cars, I hardly ever see anything new, but the most popular car appears to be Subaru, the Forester and the Outback. I figure that's because it is a cheaper four wheel drive. I do see plenty of Volvo, wagons and the XC 90, I would love either one. If I see a Toyota, it's mostly the Tacoma. I see a lot of trucks, like I did in Simi Valley, but they are of a wide variety, not all white Ford F150s. Actually, I do not see many white cars. I guess you don't need one to keep the heat off in Summer and they seem impractical for Winter. In Winter you would want your car to stand out in the snow, not blend in with it.

Boise drivers drive the speed limit. This is a good thing because sometimes the speed limit changes from block to block and all I have to do is stay with the speed of traffic to keep up. They do drive aggressively and if you are not going the speed limit they will pass you, although unlike the drivers in California, they will give you some room and don't try to clip your bumper on their way around. The speed limit on the Interstate is 75 MPH and drivers expect you to go 75 MPH. The entire time I've been here I've only had one driver tailgate, and that was on a back road on the way to Craters of the Moon. This was a young girl who thought it was funny when I slammed on my brakes and pulled over, what is it with young girl drivers now? In California when someone was driving like an ass it was either a young girl or a middle aged soccer mom in a giant SUV more than half of the time. Giant SUVs are rare here. I've only seen one Cadillac Escalade in two months. Idahoans are too practical for Escalades and in general I don't think they like standing out.

I am paying the price this morning for a diet of popovers and blueberry marmalade for the entire day yesterday. It was yummy and popovers do not make good leftovers, but square meals is on the list for today.

Popovers

Popovers are baking. Popovers are one of the few things I've found where it is worth it to buy the specialty baking pan. The pan appears to come in all kinds of sizes now, but I have two pans, each with 6 metal non-stick cups held together in a metal frame. I grease mine the night before and put them in the refrigerator overnight. We used to have popovers on Christmas morning and I remember having to wait until Mom got them in the oven before we could open presents, because they take an hour to bake. They are really easy to make, but I remember that waiting for Mom on Christmas morning seemed like an eternity. My favorite recipe is for giant popovers in the Good Housekeeping Illustrated Cookbook.

Yesterday afternoon I washed my car so I could take it to the DMV this morning and change the title and registration to Idaho and get Idaho plates. I'm not sure if the dirty looks I get sometimes are due to my California plates, but I don't want to take another trip out of town with them. I also received my absentee ballot and filled it out, so I can drop that off next door at the election office while I am there and save myself a stamp.

Last night I wrote a blunt cover letter to HP. I have not finished the ending, but it starts,

"To whom it may concern,

In 2006 the County of Ventura launched a new information technology system to determine eligibility for human services programs. Prior to launch, there was a popular misconception, which management perpetuated, that the new software program would replace people. The truth is that software does not replace people. Computers and computer software are just tools to make a job easier or better and can allow the user to spend more time doing the things that make a job require a human, such as compassion or creativity. My experience with the Hewlett Packard employment application process shows me that Hewlett Packard suffers from the same misconception as County of Ventura management.

I have a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree, because art is what I love doing. I have a Master of Public Administration degree because I also wanted an academic degree and after developing video games I wanted to do something socially positive, although that part has not worked out so well. The Master’s program showed me that I can write, I can do research, and I can make a presentation in front of a group.

While working with the County of Ventura I again had the opportunity to facilitate communication between the software users and developers. I understand the logic of information technology systems well enough to troubleshoot issues for users and to create documentation of how to use the system when the developer provided none. I know when the issues are due to system design errors and can document these and articulate changes needed to software engineers.

Your employment application process would benefit from more humanity and less software. The software on your employment site that uploads my resume and puts the right data in the right field is excellent. Whatever happens after that is not. Your job matching is inappropriate. It is almost impossible for me to read your job descriptions and figure out where I might be a good fit. Rather than me submitting the same application 20 times for various jobs, or sometimes 10 times for the same job, would it not be more effective if someone looked at my resume and said, hey, this is a good candidate and what jobs might be a good fit? One resume, one interview. Then if HP does not want to hire me, I can stop wasting my time and yours.

I understand that the competition for jobs today is fierce and that Hewlett Packard receives an amazing number of applications every day, but searching for a narrow group of key words and eliminating all candidates that do not meet narrow criteria will not allow you to find the best employees."

I may inundate HP with applications over the weekend and then I am moving on. Last Sunday's paper included Idaho's top 75 private companies, so I'm going to go through them and see who and what they might be hiring. One of them has to want me. Otherwise, Big 5 is hiring for Christmas.


Time for breakfast.

More Basics

Cesar Milan said that in his next life he wants to come back as a dog in America, because they are so spoiled. Coming back as a cat in American might not be so bad, either,


Publishing the website became complicated. Intuit needs to revise name servers. I sent Intuit an email and they responded with instructions that did not work. I sent a response to their email asking them to make the change. Once done the change can take 72 hours. I hate this kind of computer stuff. I'm going to give them a call this morning, but not until after my breakfast.

One of my friends suggested there is a link between procrastination and impatience. I was thinking about this yesterday when I was feeling frustrated and impatient with publishing my website. I've known I should have one for a long time and my brother actually started one for me a few years ago, but we never finished. I had no idea that there were so many easy to use templates until I launched my blog, but that was last July. I could have easily done a portfolio site at Dad's, but I did not, I procrastinated. I have more work to include on the site and a focus I did not have last July, so oh well, I just need to remember to be patient.

After I sent off my email to Intuit, I stopped and let the cats out and we sat in the sun for an hour. Warm, sunny days are numbered here, so we are enjoying them while we can. Then I went out and talked to my neighbor, Sarah. I wanted to ask about trick-or-treaters and we don't get any. That means I have to eat the candy I bought, good thing I bought something I like and not that much. I also asked about turning off the outside water for winter. She thought the landlord should do it, but we both know the landlord is lazy, and the lease says I'm responsible. She has someone that comes and does it for $25 and she will let me know when she sets them up to come. I figure they should be happy to do two houses that are exactly the same at the same time. We also talked about winter shoes and going for a hike on Sunday.

It is important to stop and have your feelings, but not for so long that they turn into self-pity, to do the things that help you feel normal or present, and then to move on to the next thing. Doing this is making me feel very different than I used to be, but I'm saving that to talk about in my two month review on October 21st.

Sarah said last year that Boise had snow before Halloween.

Back to Basics

Sometimes it is a good idea to just have a good cry. So yesterday I just went ahead and had a good cry. Spit came over and cuddled with me and purred, which was especially nice because it was cold and she was warm.

Then I did some research into website templates. I found some good ones and picked a domain name and then did those things that take care of me. It is important for me to remember to eat, so I cooked and had a good lunch with enough left over for a few meals to heat up later. Then I took my vitamins. It is also important for me to remember the immediate things I need to do. I had a package to sign for at the Post Office, so I went and picked that up. It was two jars of jam from Lani! What a gift and a bright spot in a difficult day. Both jars arrived safely and intact.

Then I made myself some tea and cleaned the house. Housecleaning keeps me physically busy and my mind quiet, besides giving me the satisfaction of getting more organized and looking at the results of my work at the end. It is important to have healthy things that calm you and for me one of those things is vacuuming.

With that, I was ready to tackle the website. I reserved my domain name and tried templates with Intuit. It did not take long to get frustrated with Intuit's website builder, so I went on to Wix. Wix had some sample free sites that were closer to what I wanted, but I was still working on my site at 10 pm. I forgot dinner, oh well, but I did stop and let the cats out and pay attention to them for a while.

I'm glad that I moved on from Intuit, they already called me and sent me 3 emails. They called me within a few minutes of me reserving a domain name on their site to ask me if I needed help and I said I had barely started and don't call me, I will call you. If it had been an hour later I would have told them they need to redesign their program for users and not computer engineers and I would be happy to help them with that for a fee, since that is what I used to do and I can't find a job doing it because everyone wants a computer engineer. Oops, sorry, I'm on the soapbox again.

I was back working on my website first thing this morning and finished it well enough to publish. I figure publishing is going to be another frustration, so I stopped for breakfast and to blog. I am now having toast with Lani's most excellent blueberry marmalade made with Meyer lemon. It has whole blueberries and you can taste just the right amount of lemon. Toast is a comfort food, but with this marmalade it feels like a big hug.

I will add the link to my studio site as soon as I say some prayers and it is successfully published.

Spit has a Fat Lip

Last night's low was 38 degrees and there was frost on the grass this morning. The heater is now going on at night. The low is predicted to be back in the 40's for the rest of the week, but it is now obvious I am not in So Cal anymore. I am starting to worry about warm clothes. I figure what I think of as my Winter clothes in So Cal are my Fall clothes here, but I'm trying to remember what I wore in Vegas in the Winter. I have warm boots, two pairs of Sorrels, so my feet will be warm, and I have a few coats, but I think I need gloves and a hat.

At least my skin is ready for Winter. This is the high desert, which is tough on your skin. Winter is cold and dry. I finished the Lancome face moisturizers that I bought back in the day when I was abusing my credit cards and I just could not justify that expense again. So I did some research and it is really difficult to find any real information about all those expensive anti-wrinkle face creams and if they really work. I mean, do I have less wrinkles from using that expensive Lancome? How would I know? They don't exactly work overnight, so how would you keep track of the difference? Do wrinkles really matter anyway? So, based on the information that I could find, I bought some old classics, Eucerine for body lotion, Cetaphil with SPF 15 sunscreen (about $6) for day, and Ponds (about $5) for night. I don't need both the day and the night cream every day, I've been alternating. I already had the old fashioned Noxzema cleansing cream and I bought Clinique clarifying lotion ($11.50) and I use those every day. My skin hasn't looked or felt this good in years and I saved $109.

Cruiser doesn't like the heater going on and cries about it. Better get used to it Cruiser. Spit has a fat lip. (Do cats have lips?) Maybe it's really her chin. She's had it before and I don't know if it is some kind of defect, like she bit herself, or if something bit her, but she has a pink spot on her lower jaw that has grown bigger over the last few days. It makes her look like her tongue is sticking out.

I applied for a few jobs on-line yesterday and am trying to resist my urge to complain about how irritating applying for jobs has become. For Idaho state jobs or HP, where there are many listed jobs, it is not such a big deal to spend the time entering all of your information into their format because you can re-use it, but for smaller organizations, where you are probably only going to apply for one job, you have to spend hours entering your information into their format. Sometimes this is in addition to submitting your resume. Sometimes you have no opportunity to submit a cover letter. Nothing unique or personal allowed. All this work for what? So the computer can scan your entries for the secret keywords and spit it out before a human has to look at it? Then you see anyone who gets a job gets it because they knew someone and you think, what is the point of doing this on-line waste of time application that takes hours?

The Eagle gallery wants to see a website and has a waiting list of artists. She gave me an email and I emailed her some samples. Today I guess I need to do the website. Everyone wants a website and right now I'm not going to get on my soapbox again.

I am disappointed. I miss my friends. I miss Tuesday night women's coffee where I can just show up and say a few words and everyone understands.

Enthusiasm

I decided to get out and spend time among my fellow human beings this weekend. I did go out to the gallery in Eagle, got the phone number of the owner and met a framer that works there. The gallery had several watercolor artists' work, but only one as good as me and he works in a different style.

The BSU game was a blowout, so Mary Kay and I talked during most of the game and had a nice dinner. We were both yawning by 9 pm when the game was over and I left so she could get some sleep and I could get home while I was awake. Mary Kay has been working a lot and I've never been a night owl.

Sunday was finally anther beautiful clear warm day and I met met my friend who is even newer to Boise than I am, went for a walk around downtown and had some coffee. It was funny that it eventually got too hot for us to sit on the patio. She is here for some temporary contract work and has been otherwise unemployed for 6 months, so one thing we talked about was trying not to be scared of the new, worse unemployment numbers.

So, now it is Monday and I am back to business.

The next enlightenment topic is Enthusiasm, with a poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow called A Psalm of Life,

What the Heart of the Young Man Said to the Psalmist

TELL me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream ! —
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real ! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal ;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way ;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle !
Be a hero in the strife !

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant !
Let the dead Past bury its dead !
Act,— act in the living Present !
Heart within, and God o'erhead !

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time ;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate ;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

The author mentions the Greek origin of the word enthusiasm, and I am now skeptical of the author, so I looked it up. From thefreedictionary.com:

Enthusiasm first appeared in English in 1603 with the meaning "possession by a god." The source of the word is the Greek enthousiasmos, which ultimately comes from the adjective entheos, "having the god within," formed from en, "in, within," and theos, "god." Over time the meaning of enthusiasm became extended to "rapturous inspiration like that caused by a god" to "an overly confident or delusory belief that one is inspired by God," to "ill-regulated religious fervor, religious extremism," and eventually to the familiar sense "craze, excitement, strong liking for something." Now one can have an enthusiasm for almost anything, from water skiing to fast food, without religion entering into it at all.

I had no idea there was any relationship between having enthusiasm and "having the god within." It makes sense though, if I think about both faith and enthusiasm being the opposite of doubt, then there should be some similarity between faith and enthusiasm. I suppose I also think of enthusiasm as positive and confident. There are some other great things in the poem though, don't be complacent, don't brood on the past, be in the present and get busy, but also learn to wait. It is interesting how often living in the present comes up in these enlightenment topics.

Registered to Vote

Last Wednesday I went back to the DMV to register to vote. There is an election office there. The couple next to me was from Thousand Oaks. There was a Middle Eastern guy there who asked questions the entire time I was there. He was asking when I got there and still asking when I left. He wanted to know if he could vote while he was out of the country. He gave me the creeps and I almost told him no, he can't vote while out of the country! I was disappointed to see this in Idaho and I wondered at what point to you consider someone suspicious?

I met with the SCORE councilor yesterday morning and I was so relieved afterward that I did not do much else. Friday is supposed to be errand running day, so I went to the grocery store, but it was raining and cold. Monday was supposed to be lawn mowing day, but it has been raining most of the week and the grass is too wet to mow. It is supposed to be clear for a while, so maybe I can get the lawn mowed this weekend. It is getting really tall again, but it also has a bit of brown and I think lawn mowing season is close to an end.

I went out in the late afternoon and met Mary Kay and I am going to her house to watch the BSU game tonight. BSU is playing at home and Mary Kay has season tickets, but she gave her ticket away for today's game.

This morning I have a couple of hours of volunteer work and then a few things to do that were suggested by the SCORE councilor.

Mr. Squirrel is back and I caught him at work yesterday afternoon,


Notice that around him there are not many acorns left.

The SCORE councilor was half cheerleader and half father. He was pretty excited about my work and we talked for more than my allotted hour. Mostly we talked about how to get commission work and how could I get my price down to something someone might buy for a Christmas present. He lives in Eagle and there are several galleries in Eagle. Eagle is affluent and he thought people there would buy art. (Hey, I was just there, how weird is that?) We also talked about places to network and other avenues to display my work.

He shot down my idea for children's hospitals. It turns out he was a hospital administrator (former CEO) and he explained what he would say if someone brought him the idea. (Why is that better than a photograph? Good thing I was prepared for the question.) He said several times his hospital displayed artwork and not one piece ever sold. He had the same opinion about restaurants.

Funny, he was older, but cannot get a job either, even as a former CEO. He can't even get to see anyone in person. He goes to the hospital and can't get past the secretary. They all say he has to apply on-line. I sure could relate. So, the last 10 or 15 minutes of the more than an hour he told me to get a job. This was the fatherly, practical part. I already knew this, and I'm trying, but it did not hurt to hear it.

So, I left the meeting with some action items and it always helps me to have some action items. There is a gallery in Eagle that is a member of the Eagle Chamber of Commerce and also hosts some Idaho Watercolor Society events that I am going to go to today and try to set up a meeting to show my work. I can't afford to join the Boise Chamber of Commerce, so I can participate at their events, but there is a NAWBO event this Tuesday. NAWBO is National Association of Women Business Owners and I can't afford to join them either, but this Tuesday there is an event I can go to where non-members can pay the same as members. I'm not good at networking, so I figure this is a good avenue for me to go out and do it anyway.

Freedom

It was a pretty day today and I am getting stir crazy either working or procrastinating all day, so I took a drive over to Eagle and Star. Eagle is 10 minutes northwest of Boise and Star is a bit farther. They both are a mix of old and new ranches and I think Star had more of those half finished planned communities that got caught in the housing crash, but most of Eagle looked like this,



This is on my way out of Eagle and back to Boise,


And this is back to Boise, right near my house,



The flat hill in shadow on the right is Table Rock.

Boise State beat New Mexico State last Sat 59-0, although BSU's ranking moved down to 4th.

I am super tired. I don't know if it is the season change or working on this business proposal or worrying about having an income or feeling discouraged. It's probably all of those things. I'm too tired for Wayne Dyer's version of enlightenment today, so I am picking my own topic, Freedom, with an excerpt from a pamphlet called "The Ten Cannots" published in 1916 by an outspoken advocate for Liberty, Rev. William John Henry Boetcker. There are several minor variants of the pamphlet in circulation, but this is the Patriot Post's version:

"You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot help the poor man by destroying the rich.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and independence.
You cannot help small men by tearing down big men.
You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.
You cannot establish security on borrowed money.
You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they will not do for themselves."

I'm a little concerned about the keep out of trouble one. There is a responsibility to being free, and I'm finding there is some self-discipline involved, also.

Tripod was Worth It

The tripod purchase was definitely worth it. I did these studies last weekend and they are a bit different from the others,



You would think the apples would be easy, but I like to work in layers and red and green are compliments. That means when I layer green over red I get gray. So I had to get the same value, so the red and the green look like they are on the same apple, differently. Both have nice contrast and I think I was trying to get darker darks.

I often work lighter, letting the shadows be a color change, rather than really dark. Working lighter works better when painting people, where dark contrast is unflattering and weird looking. Just like painting noses. If I painted a nose as detailed and contrasted as it really is, it would visually jump off the page as the most important thing on the face. We visually dismiss noses. (Except for that woman that Dad and I saw on CSPAN that not only had this giant nose that hooked down over her mouth that we could not stop talking about, but she had downward arching eyebrows that pointed right towards it like arrows.)

I had a moment of inspiration last night before I fell asleep and finally wrote a good mission statement for my painting business. That helped me get through the executive summary and management plan and half done. I have an outline and notes for the balance of the document and I did half of the supporting documents, like listing my costs and inventory. I did sidetrack myself re-vamping my logo and fighting with the computer printer, but that seems inevitable. I am putting the business plan aside for a while and tomorrow I will write out what I propose to paint for children's hospitals, so I can explain it to the SCORE councilor.

The next enlightenment topic is Self-Reliance with an excerpt from an essay called "Self-Reliance" by Ralph Waldo Emerson. This is a long and difficult essay and the author of the book chose an excerpt about non-conformity that does not appear to be in the spirit of the essay,

"These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. Society is a joint-stock company, in which the members agree, for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater. The virtue in most request is conformity. Self-reliance is its aversion. It loves not realities and creators, but names and customs.
Whoso would be a man, must be a nonconformist. He who would gather immortal palms must not be hindered by the name of goodness, but must explore if it be goodness. Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of our own mind."

Is self-reliance the opposite of conformity? Does everyone's mind contain integrity? My mind is often my greatest enemy.

I preferred this part (although I confess, I could not read the whole essay),

"In what prayers do men allow themselves! That which they call a holy office is not so much as brave and manly. Prayer looks abroad and asks for some foreign addition to come through some foreign virtue, and loses itself in endless mazes of natural and supernatural, and mediatorial and miraculous. Prayer that craves a particular commodity—anything less than all good, is vicious. Prayer is the contemplation of the facts of life from the highest point of view. It is the soliloquy of a beholding and jubilant soul. It is the spirit of God pronouncing his works good. But prayer as a means to effect a private end is theft and meanness. It supposes dualism and not unity in nature and consciousness. As soon as the man is at one with God, he will not beg. He will then see prayer in all action. The prayer of the farmer kneeling in his field to weed it, the prayer of the rower kneeling with the stroke of his oar, are true prayers heard throughout nature, though for cheap ends."

In the last few years I learned to ask for help when I needed it and I learned to be true to myself. Is knowing when you cannot do it yourself not self-reliance? Are humility and self-reliance contradictory and opposite? Is self-reliance also dualism, where we think of ourselves as separate from everything else? These are questions that can make your head explode. I may have to learn more about transcendentalism before I can understand this essay, but not right before bedtime.

New Tripod

Yesterday it rained, cleared up but looked like it was about to rain again, and then did, all day. Today it was cloudy and raining first thing this morning and cleared up mid-afternoon. Since it was raining, I got up and started my painting business plan first thing. I have been putting it off and usually when I start first thing in the morning with something I am resisting, I can skip whatever it is that is blocking me.

The problem is that there is no good example of how to do a business plan for an artist. It is not much like a regular business plan, so the typical format doesn't really help and trying to build on that format isn't working for me. I thought I found a good example for artists on-line, but it turns out that it is full of philosophical stuff, how will you emotionally deal with rejection? Good question, but the answer does not belong in a business plan. I've decided to just write out what I am going to do and how. It's really just for me, anyway.

I just couldn't stand it and I went out in the rain and bought a camera tripod. Idaho camera is right around the corner. The one I really wanted, like my brother John's old one, was a $265 Manfrotto. $150 for the legs, $115 for the head. I bought a $110 Promaster. Anything cheaper was just too rickety. Then I came home and photographed the paintings I've finished since I got here. These are the first two studies, 5" x 7",



Both are worthy of a larger painting.
Then I tried a larger painting, 10.5" x 14.5" (I already did a study),


I liked this size and I don't think I want to do landscapes any larger than this one.

I'll save the next two studies I did over the weekend for display tomorrow.

Two more enlightenment topics and I am half way through. (I suppose that is not very enlightened to be counting.) The next topic is Judgment, with a Fable by Ralph Waldo Emerson,

The mountain and the squirrel
Had a quarrel,
And the former called the latter
“Little prig.”
Bun replied,
“You are doubtless very big;
But all sorts of things and weather
Must be taken in together
To make up a year
And a sphere.
And I think it no disgrace
To occupy my place.
If I'm not so large as you,
You are not so small as I,
And not half so spry:
I'll not deny you make
A very pretty squirrel track.
Talents differ; all is well and wisely put;
If I cannot carry forests on my back,
Neither can you crack a nut."

I am struggling with my judgment of the author of this book. He is some kind of writer/philosopher and he has 8 kids! How can you support (and pay attention to) 8 kids as a philosopher?! It seems irresponsible to me. Is he Catholic or Mormon? Then most of what he writes about in this chapter is about his recent book that he wrote with his wife about a mother who took care of her comatose daughter for 28 years. Pretty tricky to slip in some self-promotion during the Judgment topic. Now I feel guilty, judgmental!

You are responsible for your own life and happiness and comparing yourself to others is a waste of time. If you knew all about the problems of others, you would rather keep your problems than trade yours for theirs. Be happy with your own talents and recognize the talents of others. If you really can't help it, at least look down and stare at your shoes rather than giving someone your stink-eye of judgment when their talking in a way you can't stand, yet AGAIN. Oops, sorry, no matter how enlightened I get, I can't imagine truly giving up the usefulness of the stink-eye.

How weird is that?

The water bill came today. It must be every two month billing, and I can't tell if the customer charge part, aside from the usage part, is prorated. The bill was $30.96 for 35 days, but I can't really estimate what it will be next time. This is about what the water bill was at my house, but much more than my apartment. I also think the yard was way over-watered until I reset the sprinkler timer and besides, that part of the water usage will go away soon.

My house is not hooked in, but people in Boise can tap into reclaimed water to water their yards. I noticed people had little streams around and through their yard and I thought it was a real stream, but it is reclaimed city water.


Sometimes people just flood their yard with reclaimed water and let it soak.


This is Elizabeth's little house across the street.


It turns out that the last manager that I interviewed with at Idaho Health and Welfare and I have a mutual friend. (How weird is that?!) I saw her today and we realized why we both looked familiar to each other at the interview. I did not get the job, I was one of her top four, she had several good candidates apply that were internal, there are more positions opening and she will help me get one. I asked if not being from Idaho was hurting me and if there was something I could do differently. She said not being from Idaho is not hurting me, but this time she had several good choices that were already working for the agency. She asked for my resume so she can help me get another position.

I'm so tripped out about the mutual friend that I am not currently bothered by not getting the job. Although the idea of being close, but not getting the job, is too familiar.

Last night I gave up on getting anything done and watched To Kill a Mockingbird. I love having Turner Classic Movies on cable. This is an excellent film, and I can't remember the last time I watched it. I did not realize that Robert Duvall makes his first film appearance as Boo. Wow, does he look young. If you've watched Pulp Fiction, part of Amanda Plummer's speech while she is robbing the diner is lifted exactly, words, tone, and attitude, from Mayella's testimony on the witness stand in To Kill a Mockingbird. I knew Tarantino paid homage to old movies in his films, but I thought it was just Kung Fu movies. After being at Dad's and watching him be terrorized by the jays, I now more understand Gregory Peck's speech which explains the title of the film. His father, when he gave him his first gun, told him it was OK to kill the jays, but never to kill a mockingbird. So, go ahead and pop off those jays Dad, even Gregory Peck says they are nasty birds.