Freedom

It was a pretty day today and I am getting stir crazy either working or procrastinating all day, so I took a drive over to Eagle and Star. Eagle is 10 minutes northwest of Boise and Star is a bit farther. They both are a mix of old and new ranches and I think Star had more of those half finished planned communities that got caught in the housing crash, but most of Eagle looked like this,



This is on my way out of Eagle and back to Boise,


And this is back to Boise, right near my house,



The flat hill in shadow on the right is Table Rock.

Boise State beat New Mexico State last Sat 59-0, although BSU's ranking moved down to 4th.

I am super tired. I don't know if it is the season change or working on this business proposal or worrying about having an income or feeling discouraged. It's probably all of those things. I'm too tired for Wayne Dyer's version of enlightenment today, so I am picking my own topic, Freedom, with an excerpt from a pamphlet called "The Ten Cannots" published in 1916 by an outspoken advocate for Liberty, Rev. William John Henry Boetcker. There are several minor variants of the pamphlet in circulation, but this is the Patriot Post's version:

"You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot help the poor man by destroying the rich.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and independence.
You cannot help small men by tearing down big men.
You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.
You cannot establish security on borrowed money.
You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they will not do for themselves."

I'm a little concerned about the keep out of trouble one. There is a responsibility to being free, and I'm finding there is some self-discipline involved, also.

Tripod was Worth It

The tripod purchase was definitely worth it. I did these studies last weekend and they are a bit different from the others,



You would think the apples would be easy, but I like to work in layers and red and green are compliments. That means when I layer green over red I get gray. So I had to get the same value, so the red and the green look like they are on the same apple, differently. Both have nice contrast and I think I was trying to get darker darks.

I often work lighter, letting the shadows be a color change, rather than really dark. Working lighter works better when painting people, where dark contrast is unflattering and weird looking. Just like painting noses. If I painted a nose as detailed and contrasted as it really is, it would visually jump off the page as the most important thing on the face. We visually dismiss noses. (Except for that woman that Dad and I saw on CSPAN that not only had this giant nose that hooked down over her mouth that we could not stop talking about, but she had downward arching eyebrows that pointed right towards it like arrows.)

I had a moment of inspiration last night before I fell asleep and finally wrote a good mission statement for my painting business. That helped me get through the executive summary and management plan and half done. I have an outline and notes for the balance of the document and I did half of the supporting documents, like listing my costs and inventory. I did sidetrack myself re-vamping my logo and fighting with the computer printer, but that seems inevitable. I am putting the business plan aside for a while and tomorrow I will write out what I propose to paint for children's hospitals, so I can explain it to the SCORE councilor.

The next enlightenment topic is Self-Reliance with an excerpt from an essay called "Self-Reliance" by Ralph Waldo Emerson. This is a long and difficult essay and the author of the book chose an excerpt about non-conformity that does not appear to be in the spirit of the essay,

"These are the voices which we hear in solitude, but they grow faint and inaudible as we enter into the world. Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. Society is a joint-stock company, in which the members agree, for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater. The virtue in most request is conformity. Self-reliance is its aversion. It loves not realities and creators, but names and customs.
Whoso would be a man, must be a nonconformist. He who would gather immortal palms must not be hindered by the name of goodness, but must explore if it be goodness. Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of our own mind."

Is self-reliance the opposite of conformity? Does everyone's mind contain integrity? My mind is often my greatest enemy.

I preferred this part (although I confess, I could not read the whole essay),

"In what prayers do men allow themselves! That which they call a holy office is not so much as brave and manly. Prayer looks abroad and asks for some foreign addition to come through some foreign virtue, and loses itself in endless mazes of natural and supernatural, and mediatorial and miraculous. Prayer that craves a particular commodity—anything less than all good, is vicious. Prayer is the contemplation of the facts of life from the highest point of view. It is the soliloquy of a beholding and jubilant soul. It is the spirit of God pronouncing his works good. But prayer as a means to effect a private end is theft and meanness. It supposes dualism and not unity in nature and consciousness. As soon as the man is at one with God, he will not beg. He will then see prayer in all action. The prayer of the farmer kneeling in his field to weed it, the prayer of the rower kneeling with the stroke of his oar, are true prayers heard throughout nature, though for cheap ends."

In the last few years I learned to ask for help when I needed it and I learned to be true to myself. Is knowing when you cannot do it yourself not self-reliance? Are humility and self-reliance contradictory and opposite? Is self-reliance also dualism, where we think of ourselves as separate from everything else? These are questions that can make your head explode. I may have to learn more about transcendentalism before I can understand this essay, but not right before bedtime.

New Tripod

Yesterday it rained, cleared up but looked like it was about to rain again, and then did, all day. Today it was cloudy and raining first thing this morning and cleared up mid-afternoon. Since it was raining, I got up and started my painting business plan first thing. I have been putting it off and usually when I start first thing in the morning with something I am resisting, I can skip whatever it is that is blocking me.

The problem is that there is no good example of how to do a business plan for an artist. It is not much like a regular business plan, so the typical format doesn't really help and trying to build on that format isn't working for me. I thought I found a good example for artists on-line, but it turns out that it is full of philosophical stuff, how will you emotionally deal with rejection? Good question, but the answer does not belong in a business plan. I've decided to just write out what I am going to do and how. It's really just for me, anyway.

I just couldn't stand it and I went out in the rain and bought a camera tripod. Idaho camera is right around the corner. The one I really wanted, like my brother John's old one, was a $265 Manfrotto. $150 for the legs, $115 for the head. I bought a $110 Promaster. Anything cheaper was just too rickety. Then I came home and photographed the paintings I've finished since I got here. These are the first two studies, 5" x 7",



Both are worthy of a larger painting.
Then I tried a larger painting, 10.5" x 14.5" (I already did a study),


I liked this size and I don't think I want to do landscapes any larger than this one.

I'll save the next two studies I did over the weekend for display tomorrow.

Two more enlightenment topics and I am half way through. (I suppose that is not very enlightened to be counting.) The next topic is Judgment, with a Fable by Ralph Waldo Emerson,

The mountain and the squirrel
Had a quarrel,
And the former called the latter
“Little prig.”
Bun replied,
“You are doubtless very big;
But all sorts of things and weather
Must be taken in together
To make up a year
And a sphere.
And I think it no disgrace
To occupy my place.
If I'm not so large as you,
You are not so small as I,
And not half so spry:
I'll not deny you make
A very pretty squirrel track.
Talents differ; all is well and wisely put;
If I cannot carry forests on my back,
Neither can you crack a nut."

I am struggling with my judgment of the author of this book. He is some kind of writer/philosopher and he has 8 kids! How can you support (and pay attention to) 8 kids as a philosopher?! It seems irresponsible to me. Is he Catholic or Mormon? Then most of what he writes about in this chapter is about his recent book that he wrote with his wife about a mother who took care of her comatose daughter for 28 years. Pretty tricky to slip in some self-promotion during the Judgment topic. Now I feel guilty, judgmental!

You are responsible for your own life and happiness and comparing yourself to others is a waste of time. If you knew all about the problems of others, you would rather keep your problems than trade yours for theirs. Be happy with your own talents and recognize the talents of others. If you really can't help it, at least look down and stare at your shoes rather than giving someone your stink-eye of judgment when their talking in a way you can't stand, yet AGAIN. Oops, sorry, no matter how enlightened I get, I can't imagine truly giving up the usefulness of the stink-eye.

How weird is that?

The water bill came today. It must be every two month billing, and I can't tell if the customer charge part, aside from the usage part, is prorated. The bill was $30.96 for 35 days, but I can't really estimate what it will be next time. This is about what the water bill was at my house, but much more than my apartment. I also think the yard was way over-watered until I reset the sprinkler timer and besides, that part of the water usage will go away soon.

My house is not hooked in, but people in Boise can tap into reclaimed water to water their yards. I noticed people had little streams around and through their yard and I thought it was a real stream, but it is reclaimed city water.


Sometimes people just flood their yard with reclaimed water and let it soak.


This is Elizabeth's little house across the street.


It turns out that the last manager that I interviewed with at Idaho Health and Welfare and I have a mutual friend. (How weird is that?!) I saw her today and we realized why we both looked familiar to each other at the interview. I did not get the job, I was one of her top four, she had several good candidates apply that were internal, there are more positions opening and she will help me get one. I asked if not being from Idaho was hurting me and if there was something I could do differently. She said not being from Idaho is not hurting me, but this time she had several good choices that were already working for the agency. She asked for my resume so she can help me get another position.

I'm so tripped out about the mutual friend that I am not currently bothered by not getting the job. Although the idea of being close, but not getting the job, is too familiar.

Last night I gave up on getting anything done and watched To Kill a Mockingbird. I love having Turner Classic Movies on cable. This is an excellent film, and I can't remember the last time I watched it. I did not realize that Robert Duvall makes his first film appearance as Boo. Wow, does he look young. If you've watched Pulp Fiction, part of Amanda Plummer's speech while she is robbing the diner is lifted exactly, words, tone, and attitude, from Mayella's testimony on the witness stand in To Kill a Mockingbird. I knew Tarantino paid homage to old movies in his films, but I thought it was just Kung Fu movies. After being at Dad's and watching him be terrorized by the jays, I now more understand Gregory Peck's speech which explains the title of the film. His father, when he gave him his first gun, told him it was OK to kill the jays, but never to kill a mockingbird. So, go ahead and pop off those jays Dad, even Gregory Peck says they are nasty birds.

Now it is Fall

This afternoon it was Indian Summer, now it is Fall.




It was sprinkling when I got up this morning, cleared up somewhat this afternoon and was super hot, and started raining again by early evening.

Cruiser got me up really early this morning, I don't know what his problem was, but it set my day off wrong. I watched CBS Sunday morning and read the newspaper and finished the next study. I went out and realized how weird I get when I paint all the time. I always feel more connected to God, but less connected to people. Then I took a nap, but the neighbor and his chain sawing woke me up too soon.

Late afternoon I tried to go out and take some pictures, since it looked like it would be a good sunset, and it started to rain again. I did not go to Table Rock, since I was afraid it might rain once I got all the way out there. I could not get a good sunset shot in the city and in the rain, but I did take some pictures of some fall color. When I got home, the neighbor across the street came over and introduced herself, her name is Elizabeth. She seemed pretty nice, maybe a bit older than me. We talked for a while and then it started to really rain. I was grateful for some human interaction and honestly, that was the highlight of my day.

Once it started to rain again, it felt like Fall. The leaves are turning and streets are starting to fill with leaves, which a blustery wind is now blowing around everyone's yard. Today the high temp was supposed to be 85, tomorrow the high is supposed to be 63. It is amazing how the temperature here can just plummet 20 degrees in one day.

I'm chalking up today as one of those off days where nothing seems to go right and you are better off staying home and keeping your mood to yourself. Thunderstorms are now supposed to go on all week. I hope my mood does not!

Raspberry Rhubarb Jam

This afternoon I finished sealing the wood table and steamer chairs in the backyard. I may have to move the steamer chairs into the garage for winter, but they needed sealing anyway. I finished the chairs and was half done with the table when I lost control of the can of sealer, because it was too hot from sitting in the sun, and spilled 1/4 of the can on my legs, arm, and the grass in the yard. (Shelly, move that can into the shade, it will get too hot.) Fortunately, I had turpentine, so I cleaned myself off with turpentine and then soap, finished sealing, and took a bath. Now I don't know if I'm red from sunburn or skin exposure to sealer or scrubbing. The smell of turpentine has changed, it smells really bad.

This morning I went out to the fruit and vegetable stand and bought some raspberry rhubarb jam. Actually, they call it a spread. What is the difference between jam and fruit spread? I love rhubarb and have never had it with raspberry. It is excellent, tart from rhubarb and sweet from raspberry. I'm going to get another and send it to Lani for analysis, so she can tell me how to make it myself.

Otherwise, I ran my errands yesterday morning and started two studies. I finished one and am half done with the other. I got some information on being part of emerging artists at the Capital City Public Market and I need sales tax number. Which means I need to file for a fictitious business name. I don't need to file for a fictitious business name if I use my legal name, but my legal name is Sheldon and I don't want to use Sheldon. I don't sign my work Sheldon. I need to send the name form with a payment, like a check, and I don't have checks with my new address yet, who uses checks anymore? And when did checks get so expensive? So, I ordered checks. This is a tedious process.

Although I live in a small city, it's still a city, and sometimes it is really noisy around here. Someone is always tree trimming or lawn mowing. My neighbor, Kurt, spent this week chain sawing his entire backyard. One tree is now well pruned, but I swear there is no other vegetation left. There is some loud engine running noise late at night. I don't know what it is, but it may be near-by road work. There are too many dogs in Boise. Sometimes the barking goes on and on, but I have experienced much worse. I figure with winter all of this will end. That's the upside of a cold winter.

At the same time, I sit in my studio and work at night and I can hear croaking from the loudest frog. I don't know if it is the world's loudest frog, or if it is really several. When the frog is done, the crickets start. Mr. Squirrel was in my neighbors tree a week ago, the tree is full of acorns, and making an incredible racket. He's high up in the tree and whipping through those acorns and raining down shells. At first you can't tell what is raining down through the leaves so fast because you can't see the squirrel. Either he was in a big hurry to store up for winter, or those acorns are small, maybe when he gets the shell off there isn't much left. He has not been around for a week and I figure he's enjoying the late summer, winter can wait.

Country and city was what I had in mind, and I seem to have found it.

Recall the Child Within

The weatherman predicts that the heat wave here is ending Monday when it will rain. That means Sunday and Tuesday are probably the great puffy cloud days we have here in Boise and will be good picture taking days. I am stalling on a trip to McCall and Sun Valley until the Fall color is in full swing, which will not be for another week or two, but I think I will hike up to Table Rock. Table Rock is a scenic overlook just above the city with a white cross on top. The Idaho Historical Society owns Table Rock, except for cross and the 4 feet around where it sits. (And no Supreme Court lawsuits to get rid of it!) I'm sure the cross above the city will make me homesick for Simi Valley.

HP is already sending reject emails. 1 down, 3 to go. I have not heard from Idaho Health and Welfare. Yesterday I applied for 2 jobs at an insurance company that appears to be new to Idaho and provides insurance for those who used to be on Medicaid, but needs to know Medicaid rules. They had two jobs, one was more technical, both including resolving issues via phone. I'm hoping my County experience with Medicaid may transfer to private insurance. I also applied for another job with the State, this time in the Department of Labor.

Friday is errand-running day, as long as I have the luxury of being able to do this on a weekday and avoid places like Target on the weekend I am going to take advantage of it. When I read the Idaho Driver's Manual, I found a few things missing from my emergency pack related to being stranded in the snow. One is sand or cat litter, to provide traction for a car wheel stuck in the snow.

My next SCORE appointment is Friday October 8, so that gives me some motivation to write out my business ideas. I spoke to the Art Museum of Eastern Idaho about membership and being a museum artist. Being a museum artist costs me an extra $10 to regular membership, $45 total, and they will send me the membership form. Being a museum artist allows me to participate in ArtMart for Christmas. There is also emerging artists at The Market, three artists every week. I have enough paintings to show to pursue doing commission work of children, but my research into other subjects and avenues to sell them always makes me feel like I need many, many more pieces.

I am having trouble with a leg cramp in my left calf. It is a terrible charley horse that comes up when I wake up in the morning or from a nap. I haven't had one of these since I was pregnant and I am definitely not pregnant. The only causes I can find that might apply are flat feet, I have hardly worn shoes at all since I've been here, or an electrolyte imbalance. The electrolyte imbalance could be possible as it has been hot and dry here and I am always thirsty, so on my shopping list today is Gatorade G and tomato juice. I should get some bananas, but I don't like bananas anymore.

That none of the Native American Indian quotes were really true is still upsetting me. I think I might send them to Snopes or Factcheck to research. When researching these quotes, I did find something more about my coyote spirit animal. At least this is not pretending to be much more than someone's opinion. The coyote wind is from the South, and teaches us to recall the child within. This seems appropriate considering my soul retrieval. The coyote is known as the Trickster, but this guy, who calls himself Wolf's Moon, adds some dimension to this idea,

"For the two-legged beside whom Coyote walks, there will be an aspect of their personality that is deeply playful and mischievous, yet they are equally capable of deep contemplation and introspection. Though this may at first appear to be a great contradiction, such dichotomy is all a part of the paradoxical Medicine of the Trickster that is both the Wise Sage and the hapless Fool."

So I will pick my own enlightenment topic today, Paradox, with a poem called Spirit of Coyote by Wolf's Moon,

A cry fills the night
the haunting sound, a familiar one.
Carried upon the ribbons of moonlight,
a song that has been heard for centuries,
never changing, yet heralding change.

Generations & tribes of two-leggeds have long since come and gone
and always, across shifting times and People
Coyote’s song lingers on . . .
the melody often strong in our ears,
in other moments, but a distant echo we vaguely hear.

He sings to us of Family and the sacred bond of love.
Coyote asks of us to expand our hearts beyond blood ties
to include all the People
human, winged, four-legged, finned,
as members of our Clan.

Coyote sings to us of Changes to come.
He is Trickster, Joker, the Fool & the Sage.
Both the Wise Master and the Servant of Folly,
Masleca sings to us
that Truth lies within the Paradox

So, enough job applying until Monday, I am painting and writing business proposals this weekend. And going on a hike.